why cant u stay?

ive lost that fire in me.
back when i was younger and theres always a rush of strong passion that took over me.
it could send shivers down my spine. i loved it. i forgot how that feels now.
why did it went away? i need it back. especially now.

i miss it.
M

got a notion that says it doesnt feel right

I got a notion that says it doesn't feel right
got the answer in your story today
you gave me a sign that didn't feel right

so don't knock it, don't knock it, you been here before
so don't knock it, don't knock it, you been here before

i just wanted to know if i could go home
been rambling day after day
everyone says they don't know

so don't knock it, don't knock it, you been there before
so don't knock it, don't knock it, you been there before

i got a notion that says it doesn't feel right
i just wanted to know if i could go home

~

ive been drowning myself with loud music. it aint helping.
cant sleep right. cant think right.
my mood swings are starting. i rarely have them. shit. i feel like shit.
please make me stop thinking bout it. please calm me down.
im lost. i want someone to tell me that its gonna be ok.
2 months in the middle of nowhere is no joke. working there is so not a joke.
i know things are gonna change big time when it hits 2011. n im x even sure if its for better or for worse.
im not ready. how am i suppose to do this? im so screwed.

:'(
M

i have nunchuck skills! lol

ok, this comment from this youtuber said it all

"Holy shit that orgasmic... Jizztastic... And All other sexual references"

that made me literally LMAO

boy u surprise me..
;)

M

you give me something

boy, you give me eargasms!
talking bout gabe bondoc here. lol
damn~
i wana meet this sexy beast in person. :D



especially when he does that "grrr" at the mid of the vid. fucking sexy!

ok, cute version of wolverine



ive found my own wolverine tho.
n i love him to bits despite him driving me insane most of the time.
ok, ima stop before i start yapping bout gay stuff. haha

:)
M

its a boy thing

Now i know. I've to keep reminding myself that they come from a different planet.
thanks Hitler for that awesome speech/convo whatever u call it. it cleared my mind on certain things that has been bugging me for quite a while now. Currently, its the adjustment period. at least thats what im calling it. i hope everything falls into place.
its just that sometimes the whole im-wondering-what-the-hell-is-bugging-u-at-the-mo-thing is driving me up the wall.

what do u want?
what do i want?
what do we want?
fuck, its messing up my brain cells.
all i can do now is just take it slow.
at least its not in that confused state Hitler said.

its ok. i can still breathe,
M

it starts today :)

i dont know how it'll turn out.
but ill try my best to work it out.
i havent fully absorb this. it will take a while. i guess
its ok. take it slow.
trial and error perhaps?

:D
M

could u write a song for me?

if you could, then i'd be amazed by that if you get most of it right. heh.
i dont think anyone gets it. im always in an emotional roller coaster ride. i would volunteer myself out of it only if i know how.
im sorry im driving you insane.
im sorry i dont open up easily.
im sorry im such a hard person to crack open.
i think every single day of my life is a Halloween party. i wear a mask everyday that im so used to it i dont even realize that im wearing it now.
i'll unmask it, if thats what you want. but it takes time. alot of time.
Im not asking for much, but i hope you'd be patient enough to wait while i get used to my own skin. lol

just so u know, i do love you with all my heart. and i appreciate u being there for me.
thank you
oh and sorry for being such a bitch lately
ha-ha. do forgive me please

:)
M

Moment of honesty

stuck with this amazing song again. mhmmm :]

but i gota give thumbs up to lydia paeks cover of it. cant get enough of it too. ive srsly abused the replay button. haha




Why give up before we try
Feel the lows before the highs
Clip our wings before we fly away
I can't say I came prepared
I'm suspended in the air
Won't you come be in the sky with me

M

oneul bam namani apayo

the fact that the same thing happens over and over again, it is sickening to my bones!
fuck, i want out!
:'(
M

maybe im just too lazy

You went away
Cos you said that you can't stand me
So I went away
I was sure that you can't stand me
Well I don't think we have to be like this forever
Is there more to life than love and being together?

T&S
M
:)

bring it on!!! :D

back on my feet and ready to moshhhhh suckassss!!! hehe
so, im still awake although im spose to be recharging my batteries.
to hell with that! im psyched bout 2mrw! but also half blur. is this really wat i think it is? :D
shudve held my tix instead of givin it to irf. so that i could soak in this whole situation.
3 hours of.....pure blissssss! wooots!

will have my eargasms in a few more hours,
M

Dark, you can't come soon enough for me
Saved, from one more day of misery
Everything I love, get back for me now
Everyone I love, I need you now
~tegan and sara~

just stop for a minute and let me breathe. everything is so suffocating. just wait...
M

in case ill go there

its ok. im sure i can do this :) insyallah..

i never told you

i couldnt tell u that when u say those things, it hurts me even more.
i wished u knew. so u would stop all this. please :'(

M

call it off

I won't regret saying this
This thing
That I'm saying
Is it better than
Keeping my mouth shut
That goes without saying
Call, break it off
Call, break my own heart
Maybe I would have been
Something you'd be good at
Maybe you would have been
Something I'd be good at
But now we'll never know
I won't be sad
But in case
I'll go there
Everyday,
To make myself feel bad
There's a chance
I'll start to wonder
If this was the thing to do
I won't be out long
But I still think it better if
You take your time
Coming over here
I think that's for the best
Call, break it off
Call, break my own heart
Maybe I would have been
Something you'd be good at
Maybe you would have been
Something I'd be good at
But now
We'll never know
I won't be sad
But in case
I'll go there
Everyday,
To make myself feel bad
There's a chance
I'll start to wonder
If this was the thing to do
I'll start to wonder
If this was the thing to do

hung up,
M

i caught myself

i want my life back. please stop this.
please,
M

putting an end to this game.

yesterday i was caught in the rain
holding hands with the past then it came
all the thoughts of you are in vain

when the suns down i hear my name
you wanna talk but i'm tired of your game
i'm warn down and can not hear a sound
boy you make we wanna

cry cry cry
when you tell me all your
lie lies lies
but when you hold me i could
die die die
boy you make me want to
cry cry cry

yesterday i was picking my brain
trying to find why you treat me this way
don't wanna fight, don't wanna hurt anymore
but there's moments i cannot resist
like when you grab me and give me a kiss
still something i'm knowing is missing
boy you make me wanna

cry cry cry
when you tell me all your
lie lie lies
but when you hold me i could
die die die
boy you make me want to
cry cry cry

when you're calling me i read between the lines
watching you operate all the games that we play
oh, i try to tell myself it will all work out right
but every time i see you
and every time i hear you i just

cry cry cry
when you tell me all your
lie lie lies
but when you hold me i could
die die die
boy you make me want to
cry cry cry


why do u have to do this to me? im tired of all this.
it hurts so much..
i want to run away. please let me. dont hold me down.
even if it hurts me even more to leave this but maybe its the only way.
sorry...i hope you can understand and appreciate my decisions.
bye,
M

FML

im speechless this time

:'(
M

They echo me in circles

Now I'm told that this is life
And pain is just a simple compromise
So we can get what we want out of it
Would someone care to classify

Our broken hearts and twisted minds
So I can find someone to rely on

And run to them, to them
Full speed ahead
Oh you are not useless
We are just

Misguided ghosts
Traveling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away

boo!
M

working on it

"I've convinced everyone else that I don't like you
and that I don't want you anymore.
Now all I need to do is convince myself."

she said it right.
M

getting over my seasickness.

I'm your shoulder I'm the quick drive over
Trying to fix your stuff, well I give up

Ooh, you never see me standing right in front of you

Sooner or later you're gonna come around
And you'll be sorry when you figure out

M

song about love gone terribly wrong..

Maybe, if my heart stops beating,
it wont hurt this much
And never will i have to
answer again to anyone
Please don't get me wrong

Because i'll never let this go,
but i can't find the words to tell you
I don't want to be alone
but now i feel like i don't know you

alone,
M

why do i even care? sheesh...

Honestly speaking, if thats what you want, why dont you go and work it out yourself?!
Your obliviousness is driving me insane!!! make up your fucking mind! GAWD...



GRRRR!!!,
M

happy birthday malaysia ♥

So here i am, in my dorm, infront of the lappie with tons of assignments piling up when theres loads of people gathering at dataran merdeka right now to celebrate independence day. oh how i wish i could be there. honestly, ive never celebrate independence day in dataran merdeka. i would love to do it someday with a bunch of friends :)
my housemates are celebrating it by shouting and laughing their asses off watching 'vampire sucks'. hahaha.
i refuse to watch it cos i was planning to watch it in the cinemas with my besties before eid. we'll see.

gtg now.
cant wait for raya...
M

action kamen! haha

my current crush ^-^



You are the best guy I could ever ask for
With you I'll experiance sides of life that will never leave me
It's just we've come to a time where our ways go apart
Maybe to meet up again probably not

Still I don't lie when I say I love you
But I'm a girl who needs some action
You are not my actionman anymore
Still I don't lie when I say I love you

Don't act like this comes as a shock
I know you noticed the fact in the corner of your mind
You told me many times you won't survive without me by your side
But please don't mistrust

Still I don't lie when I say I love you
But I'm a girl who needs some action
You are not my actionman anymore
Still I don't lie when I say I love you

Soon you'll hook up with the prettiest girl in town
and when you do I will feel a sting of regret
'cause the grass is always greener on the other side

Still I don't lie when I say I love you
But I'm a girl who needs some action
You are not my actionman anymore
Still I don't lie when I say I love you

Still I don't lie when I say I love you
But I'm a girl who needs some action
You are not my actionman anymore
Still I don't lie when I say I love you

I wish there were a way back
But I'm a afraid I can't find one

u told me to live the life?
i will :)
M

there u r. haha

life is weird. a few weeks ago, i was talking bout my lost old friend and wondering how he's doin. I figured that i would never see him again and i got over it. wrong! there he is. hes doin pretty fine :D
i dont think he remembers me though. but at least i know hes still alive. lol

yeay!
M

exactly my point!

weirdest video ever! xD but i love it nonetheless :D





Oh when I look to the shape of my heart,
it's seperated only by scars,
that cut in and cut out, or leave me without,
all a heart that functions at all.

And when I look to the shape of the sky,
I give thanks for this hollow chest of mine,
that I no longer feel, the great weight of ordeals,
that can make this life so unkind

If there's any love in me, don't let it show,
oh and if there's any love in me, don't let it grow

Oh when the wild was all covered by snow,
I forgot the colours that the grass tend to glow,
Oh the trees were all leafless, and lifeless and black,
and I wondered if the leaves could grow back

For your heart is like a forest, it grows,
and its the rain, but just the sun that lets it bloom,
and you don't know how it feels to be alive,
until you know how it feels to die

If there's any love in me, don't let it show,
oh and if there's any love in me, don't let it grow
If there's any love in me, don't let it show,
oh and if there's any love in me, don't let it grow

dont let it grow.
M

merci..

it means a lot to me :)

pending

A friend of mine said "just because you like it, it doesnt mean u can have it"
hmm... then should i just settle for second best? what if i dont want to? :(
if only u knew it does matter to me. and sometimes it hurts when u say certain things. but i cant say a thing because i want u to figure it out urself. if only u could open ur eyes and see everything in a new perspective.

if only,
M

...

the love that brought me together has let me down, once again.
~bobo~

M

quirky funny funny

I'll make you a mixtape that's a blueprint of my soul
It may sound grand but babe it's all you need to know
I'll make you a mixtape that will charm you into bed
It details everything that's running round my head

thanx fara :)
love the song.
M

found one.

wolverine hair + dork + guitar = ♥




cute.

^-^
M

learn to

LET GO.

M

just friends

i just gota keep on moving and dont turn back. i know i can move on but sometimes i keep falling back to the same spot :(
oh dear please help me get through this. make me stop hoping. i'll get through it. i know i will. time will heal it. eventually..

M

♥

I have a heart too
That can break and melt
Like everybody else
I have a heart too
That can be loved
That wants to be loved
By you

:(
M

hoping to stop this train.

What did i do in a past life, oh to deserve this
Yeah the way I make myself
He's far too innocent to be a part of such a cruel world
And it is, and it is and it is

And so I'll go, yes I'll go, so I'll take that train and ride.
Hoping I can write her a rhyme, that might stop the tick of time
Get off this situation and feel fine,
Get off this situation and feel fine.

tick of time,
M

for u

:)

i am spongebob

the kooks - in my opinion

only i can find
a little piece of my mind
take you out and we'd sit
beneath the moon of what i think
inside of you, i do see
you would love to be free
so take it now its your right
theres no need to fight

take a piece of my heart for you, take a piece of my love for her
take a piece of my heart for him, take a piece of my soul

i tried once again
to get my opinion up in their minds
their just far too blind
taking all of me and put it in the bottom of the sea if they were right

At the bottom of the sea,
spongebob

i wanted to be frank

...but i couldnt.
because i am marisa.
i am not frank.

T-T,
M

(someone grew bigger balls than i did)

norah jones- what am i to you?

What am I to you
Tell me darling true
To me you are the sea
Vast as you can be
And deep the shade of blue

When you're feeling low
To whom else do you go
See I cry if you hurt
I'd give you my last shirt
Because I love you so

If my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
I never want to part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
I love you when you're blue
Tell me darlin true
What am I to you

Yah well if my sky should fall
Would you even call
Opened up my heart
Never want to part
I'm giving you the ball

When I look in your eyes
I can feel the butterflies
Could you find a love in me
Could you carve me in a tree
Don't fill my heart with lies

I will love you when you're blue
Tell me darlin true
What am I to you
What am I to you
What am I to you



M

Decotti!

that is one of the most cutest things on earth! lols.
i want a decotti.. :(
but its only available in japan. why do all the awesome things come from japan?!
and its so expensive to buy it online and ship it all the way here. ughhh...
ill get to japan soon. and buy me some decoden and cute pyjamas!





till then,
tataa~
M

plans for the weekend! :D

sometimes when im bored, i re-read the blogs ive posted like 2 months ago. lol. and ill be thinking, did i really went through that and was that how i really felt bout it?? yeah.. i know. i find it ridiculous cos i spend more time re-reading it rather than updating a new post. xD and..facebook isnt helping at all. uh uh.. ive been abandoning my blog bcos of it. haha. it just cant be helped that its so easy to update there. write a sentence on that tiny box and click! oh, theres.. a comment! and reply...blablabla..click! see how evil facebook has become to other networking sites. even myspace became a victim of it. ive to admit that i left my myspace, my buzznet and soon to be abandoned(if this goes on) my blogspot. i aint joining twitter cos i can see the same future for it :P
why am i still yapping bout this? lol

anyways...



im going to youth 10 at pwtc this friday and sunday. hope to have a blast!
and ill be working on the 31st at baskin. i dont really need the money but this is a request from a friend. so, i cant say no -__-" u oweee mee!



i think im goin for urbanscapes as well since fara is goin. although tina cant cos she NEEDS to go to youth 10 due to her undying fan love for kei.. aigoo~ why do i keep doing all of this for my friends? as long as its not ridiculous requests, im on it.

so, anyone out there....DO COME TO YOUTH 10!!
to support our local scene(?)... Nah! just to have a chillax time with your friends.

c ya there! :D

love,
M

my baby my darling, ive been thinking of leaving~

she & him - in the sun

always adore zooey deschanel :D

her dance is so cute and silly.lol

enjoy,

M

soaking in all the things ive missed

i am back!!! i only have 2 days to top up my sleep and rejunevate me self. lols
my exams r in 10 more days i think. im so hyped up for it. eventho im not exactly ready but then i wanna get it over with fast!! and then...2 months of bliss will come my way. oh..LOVE


well, this past few months was all hectic but it was ok. the usual. but i think this sem is much more challenging. (more backstabbing bitches.LOL) but..ive to stay sane. like wat fara said "keep my emotions in check" then ill be fine. gotta make the best out of everything. like how i did kinda bad on my practical tests ystrday. iono my marks. but then oh well...life goes on :D


im all happy and chirpy today cos i overslept. i feel reborn!(surprisingly i x feel sluggish) sleep has never been sooo awesome. hihi.. after happily munching on cookies..i gotta head over to sunway. wee~





love,
M

marissss

my cupid senget... save me...

T-T
M

rehtards...

i mustve been a dude in my past life. cos ive got balls man.. LOL
(according to irah)

ill be missing ya, rehtards..
take care, love ^^

M

it wont hurt to smile...

im trying to appreciate the little things, irah. it doesnt matter if people dont get me. i'll try to catch that bliss. wait, i dont have to try. ill just let it come naturally.

thanx &
love ya lots,
M

one year ago..when pigs & shit were cool~ xP

JAC JAC AEIN!!!
look what ive found~


do u remember this? its *drum rolls* ULTRAPIG!!
caption says: SHIT..is what i do best! *wink*

i cant believe i kept it. =D
hahaha...y were we so retarded back then? creating ultrapig was one of the memorable memories i have in h.s.


ultrapig caption says: ultrapig saves the day!
couple's caption says: we love you, ultrapig

huhu..back then when theres nothing else to do than talk crap. so much fun~

i still remember that i told aein that ill take this pic and post it on my blog later. that was a year ago. (it took me this long to post it! lols) bianhe, jac aein ^^

i miss u aein... this pic will remind me of our time we spent together. *sobs*

when will i get to see u again? i DONT wana finally meet u when im old and wrinkly! xP

someday aein? i hope so..

T-T,

M

ive come to realize that i miss blogging!!!

AND i realize that ive a total lack of discipline in keepg it up-to-date. *shoots self*

so...ive decided to just post pics if im busy. at LEAST one pic in a span of a week. assignments are piling up. and i just did 2 presentations last week. and ive a test on monday. and so many more individual and group assignments for PT pro. i am str-u-ggling... ToT

mum just came back from singapore. she bought me these! 2 cotton on cardigans AND uber sweet smelling body spray~

it is called..PLEASURES-blushing cherry blossom.

mmmm~~ i LOVE the smell!

its just irresistable..ive to make sure i x over spray it. gota buy more when i get there myself. durg CNY hopefully =)

currently my desktop picture-erin yawning. hahaha. it'll remind me of how much lack of sleep im havg in uni. ^^

*yawns*

M

attempts of trying to stay sane...

i know this spose to be posted like aeons ago, BUT since i cant for many reasons. AND i really just had to let it out. so i saved it in micro office word. lols.

i miss them alot T-T

Title:Gens outing

Date:25/12/2009

So after half a year of hiatus, we finally meet up! =D

It was the most fun I had in months! I missed them all. Even though we’ve been apart for so long, but we haven’t lost our connection. I seriously don’t know what to do if I don’t have them by my side. I know this is turning gay. So what? I don’t do this all the time =)

Next year is gona be a busy year for everyone. Im gonna miss u guys so much!!!! T-T

Take care loves! Do ur best in ur studies. And u can always call/txt me if anything comes up. Or if ure just bored. Insyallah ill be there.

Wishing the best in everything that u guys do.

Stay happy and positive ^^

<3

M

Btw, I’ll miss ur fics tsuteyna. Lol

I SMELL U!!!

ive no access to the virtual world.. thus, i have no life here.
sorry blog. ive totally let u down.

rotting day by day,
M